SATIRE: Barron Trump Departs Earth to Join Galactic Federation, Declares Planet “Too Mid”

SATIRE: Barron Trump Departs Earth to Join Galactic Federation, Declares Planet “Too Mid”

Washington D.C. — 15 minutes ago
In a turn of events that has left political commentators, science fiction writers, and meme curators in collective disbelief, Barron Trump — 19-year-old son of former President Donald J. Trump — has reportedly departed Earth to join the Galactic Federation of Interstellar Youth.

According to sources (some of whom have clearly spent excessive time watching space-themed television), a shimmering silver spacecraft reportedly touched down on the White House lawn early this morning. Witnesses claim Barron, equipped with a vintage Game Boy and a half-eaten Chick-fil-A sandwich, boarded the vessel calmly, declaring, “I’m too tall for this planet anyway.”

Galactic representatives have confirmed (possibly through telepathy) that Barron has been appointed Ambassador of Vibes for the Andromeda sector, citing his “unmatched chill” and “optimal height-to-energy ratio.” His inaugural decree? To replace Earth’s internet with a galaxy-wide meme grid fueled by neutron stars.

Former President Donald Trump, when approached for comment, offered the following statement:

> “He’s always been very special. Very tall. Much taller than Obama’s kids. Some people say he’s the future of Earth—or at least the moon. Tremendous potential.”

Former First Lady Melania Trump has yet to provide an official comment. However, she posted an enigmatic photo on Instagram showing her sipping tea beneath the caption, “He’s with the stars now ✨.”

Officials at the White House and Space Force are currently assessing whether Barron’s departure constitutes a breach of interstellar protocol—or simply another case of forgetting to deactivate the tractor beam.